There are numerous forms of football:
waverley.1.vg, better known as “Soccer”. Involves two teams of homoerotic Europeans running after a ball. Europeans love the sport because it fits into their dull and uninteresting existance in which they drink and riot.
American Football, Steroid pumped lugs, playing catch in tights and armour.
American Soccer, also known as Flashlight Tag, is played by as many campers as are in the summer camp at the time. All of the campers hide but one, who is allowed to sneak into the canteen and gorge itself before falling asleep.

Arjun football=idiotic
Australian Football, also known as Solitaire, is played in Outback Steakhouses. It involves kicking steaks into trash cans. It is considered to be the worst form of football by New Zealanders.
Ball of your Football, which involves kicking the balls of the feet of the other 200 players in the given time (45 minutes each way [there are 9 directions of play])
Ballfoot Football, which involves kicking people in the balls with your foot.
Base Football, which is played in space bases. A coach granted with the title of “CATS” takes the base to end the game. The game Zero Wing takes place after a game of Base Football.
Basket Football, which involves kicking wicker baskets into bonfires.
Gay Football, a perfected art by Frank Lampard whereby homoerotic europeans chase each others balls.
Gaelic Football, is one of the Irish sport where two teams try to kill each other, without using a stick this time. It is dominated by John Kerry, who has won the championship 33 and 1/3 times.
Canadian Football, also known as CFL, is a medical condition swelling the ball of the afflicted’s foot.
Catholic Football, in which the object is to kick the ball until it flies in a perfect line through space. Any player who kicks the ball in an arc is burned as a heretic.
Chinese Football, is played by small men in the nude, which includes rice being thrown at break neck speeds.
English Football, otherwise known as The Quest for the Holy Cup originated in 1072, there were Women’s Quests, Children’s Quests, Dogs and Cats Quests – the aim was to dribble a rock from one side of an acre area to the other, it was considered perfectly acceptable for them to kill their opponents, one day one of the crusaders leaning against a bit of wood and discovered that he had a crossline symbol in red from the paint that had been applied earlier, later in 1722 this became known as the Cross of the House of Hanover later changed to St George.

All over the world people couldn’t understand why irritating foreigners kept kicking balls towards them and kept kicking them away and this eventually became known as the World Cup and in 1866 England even won this competition which by then had evolved into kicking a piece of cow gut about.

Recent manager Sven Goren Erikson was sacked for moonlighting selling mobile phones and his choice of team including controversially an all female team with Faria Alam and Ulrikka Johnson figuring prominently was not a good idea although everyone else shrugged and accepted this because they knew that England would never win anyway, suspicions remained though that he might have some personal bias in regard to the decision. To make sure his players were ready for the match and didn’t get up to anything they shouldn’t to he has developed an unusual technique sleeping with them personally.

Foot Football, which involves kicking shrunken heads into ditches.
Faria Footie, method of manipulating the balls with the toes – this goes on with various people until someone scores.
French Football, which involves 11 goalkeepers per team (a.k.a Le Defence Line or Maginot Line N°2), all wearing white jersey.
Kick-the-head, the earliest known version of football
Microsoft Football, is not played at all as the game crashes as soon as it starts, upon which a giant blue screen of death appears on the Jumbotron or whatever display there might be.
Midget Football, kicking midgets. Plain and simple.
Monster Football, played by monsters, in which the ball is replaced by a severed human foot.
Ninja Football, in which every player has a ninja-sword and in order to take the ball from an opponent, you must first challenge him/her to a sword-duel to the death.
Gary Neville, Football’s least lovable goat child.
Quantum Football, aka “Anarchy Football”. Variant of football where nothing really matters. If you try to kick the football, it might either explode, end up at the other end of the universe, might become intangible, grow geels, end up in your own team’s goal, become edible or not move at all. Or the football might kick you instead. Of course, when you kick it again, it will behave completely different from the last time. So will you. Therefore, the game becomes completely silly and nonsensical and you are at a certain risk of loosing your own sanity if you attempt to play it. In this variant, you are just as likely to be spontanously transformed into a goat as to hit the ball. Or more. Therefore it is exceptionally dangerous to play.
Real football, less cheerleaders and rules, and more players.
Rugby Football, more commonly known as Quidditch, requires kicking rugs and babies at windows, hence rug(ba)by.
Rugby Football League, similar to Rugby Football but requires the players to pretend to have a fit when tackled instead of staying under a group of thirty 20-stone men……pussies.
Soviet Russian Football, where the ball kicks you!
Three sided football, a game of Actual football involving three sides, played only by Situationists and followers of its creator, the Danish artist Asger Jorn.
Tufte football, a bunch of hunks and beautiful men running around and believing they are doing something good. A collaboration with Fox resulted in a television series about themselves, honouring their president Erik Thorstvedt, Star Wars, Buffy and nice, unhealthy values.
Whodunnit Football, South american game. The balls are whacked against a brick wall until the prisoner confesses.
Volley Football, which is the same as American Football, except using a gigantic board and statues.
Hockey Football, pretty self-explanatory if you think about it.
Football, is a common martial arts practice in which the person balls their foot up to avoid the dreaded Stomp technique.
Fúrbol, which is basically soccer played in Spain, although they think they’re playing something else.

The way football fans recognise each other is by their understanding of the offside rule. Only true football aficionados know the complicated maze of points that make up the rule. Anybody bluffing will be found out very quickly.

The group of people least likely to understand the offside rule are assistant referees, otherwise known as linesmen, liners or flag-waving twats. And women.
This is a disambiguation page. This means absolutely nothing. Or maybe it means something. Keep guessing and maybe one day you’ll figure it out.

Detroit Lions Football, which follows no logic known to man and yet still attracts the attention of unfortunate slobs from SE Michigan on Sunday afternoons. Never to be associated with the Super Bowl other than to watch it on TV.

Derby County Football Club, the only football team in the English leagues who don’t understand the sport they’re supposed to be playing. Instead they play a curious variation of golf, but with standard sized footballs and using their boots instead of clubs. Many a team when playing football will celebrate the scoring of a goal, but no cheers will be heard from Derby manager Phil “Orange” Brown unless his team shoot not at the goal, but up, up, high up out of the stadium and of a general distance to rival Tiger Woods. Indeed so confused is the Derby County Football Club that they formerly played at the Baseball Ground. Nobody dare point this out to the Chairman for many a year, for the act of pointing was considered too rude by the polite people of Derby. Only when one young vragrant from Madchester, a place devoid of manners, was this error pointed out, causing Derby County to migrate to their new Stadium Gay Pride Park.